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One thing was for sure, approaching this whole “losing weight thing” by changing a lot all at once was almost surely going to fail. I didn’t want an exercise routine. I didn’t want to lift weights. I sure as heck didn’t want to run – I hated running. I was depressed to do much, but motivated to do something. The goal was to keep it simple. Simple is as Simple does.
The only thing I knew about health or weight loss at the time was the dreaded, “Eat less. Exercise more.” When the heck was I going to find time to exercise? I was taking care of the kids in the morning and by the time I got home from work, I didn’t feel like “working out.” Plus, there were too many distractions – always seeing “projects” that needed to be done or having to explain every movement to a curious toddler. Gym memberships are bloody expensive, and being judged by a bunch of fit people wasn’t exactly going to build confidence. Let’s face it, more movement was out. That only left eating less. Ugh.
Keeping in mind that I didn’t even really know what a calorie was, I subscribed to the mantra that losing weight meant that calories out had to be higher than calories in. In other words, if I want to quit shopping for the next pant size up every few months, I’d have to burn more calories (whatever the heck they are) than I consumed. Perfect. Seemed simple and straightforward.
… … … I still have no friggin’ idea where to start!
Seeing my flailing attempts at trying to keep this weight loss boat afloat, my wife bailed me out by introducing me to MyFitnessPal – which, by the way, quickly became my most favorite and most hated thing on the planet. The app. Not my wife.
I could type in exactly what I ate and drank to see how I was doing. I didn’t try to limit anything at first. I just wanted to see where I was. I tracked everything, and I mean everything! Ketchup, spices, tea – I even dug out a small kitchen scale to weigh everything.
When I saw how many calories I was taking in from just liquids alone, holy crap! Did that ever wake me up! I was consuming WAY too many calories! Between the Mt. Dew, BBQ chips, alcohol, pretzels, salsa and chips, and all the other crap I was eating/drinking…it was not uncommon for me to consume 6,000 to 8,000 calories in a day. Just in case you think that was a typo, it wasn’t. Six to eight THOUSAND calories per day! Call me Violet! If I continued to eat like this for much longer, I’d need an army of Umpa Lumpas to roll me down to the juicing room!
Well, another lifeline tossed to me (by my lovely wife, again) was a link to an online Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) calculator. This estimates the minimum energy your body needs to stay alive, performing basic bodily functions (e.g. pumping blood, breathing, et cetera). The next step was to estimate my Total Daily Energy Expenditure (TDEE). This number takes into account your BMR, but also the amount of energy you burn during the day through work and exercise. Haha, “…burned through work and exercise.” That would be NONE! *cough* Sorry. “Sedentary.”
My number was just above 2,000 calories per day. I’d say I had my work cut out for me. Well, if staying where I was meant 2,000 calories per day, why not drop my caloric goal to 1,500 calories per day? I mean, why not, right? Go big or go home! Pun intended?
Well, as you can imagine, this was quite a challenge – at first. Yes, there was some kicking and screaming and whining and negotiating and anger and resentment and overall crabiness. Try taking any budget and slashing the top three quarters off! But the goal on the other end was worth it – health, longevity, my kids, my marriage…all perfect reasons to make a change and keep me motivated.
The first thing to go was the Mt. Dew. Simple – swap in Diet Mt. Dew. It tastes good and check that out! NO calories! Everything was about calories! I got pretty obsessive about it. Lunch was an apple. Only 95 calories, baby! Carrots were only 25 each, so there was a win, too! Being home in the evenings was the hardest part. I was surrounded with snacks. I think I even went hunting for BBQ chip crumbs previously lost in the couch cushions at one point. Not my proudest moment, by the way. But, they don’t have a serving size for “crumbs” in MyFitnessPal, so as far as I was concerned – those were free, damnit! It was really important to find things I could occupy thoughts with, just to get through the day. One of the bestest creations on the planet, when trying to watch calories but still needing a sweet treat…sugar free Jell-O! Those sundae ice cream cups (at only 100 calories per cup) were a lifesaver, too. Oh, and low calorie popcorn! It may taste like you’re licking the wooden wheel of an Amish buggy, but it satisfies that urge to snack just right!
Most things I could give up without an issue, but whiskey – oh my whiskey! That, was NOT an option. Yes, I had to reduce a little, but let’s face it – controlling the amount of liquor consumed every day had more benefits than just losing weight. So, it went into the budget. I would basically “starve” myself all day, just so I would have enough room in the f’ing budget at the end of the day for my three fingers of Jameson. It was worth it.
And so…I did it. I kept my daily dose of them there calories at 1,500 per day. It took me 6 months to drop 20 pounds. I proved the theory correct – “starving” yourself can work, but I wouldn’t do it that way again. Even though it showed on the scale, it also showed in my relationships, as this is about the time I embodied the term, “hangry.” I would like to pause and take this opportunity, to thank everyone who put up with me during this time and who didn’t stab me as a result of my bitchy attitude. And to my wife – who exposed me to the tools I needed to succeed, and who stood by me through all my incessant complaining, and who revamped the family meal plan to accommodate low calorie (awesome tasting) dinners.
Click here to continue on Tobias’ journey: Part 2.5: Fat’s a Tissue, Not the Issue
Featured Photo by Luke Stackpoole on Unsplash
