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This should stand as a post on its own, but I’m really writing this as a supplement to my Chapter 2 Journey entry earlier on.  And here’s why…

Although my “starvation” method proved to be “successful” in losing weight, that’s certainly is not and should not be the way forward.  Yes, I proved that diet is the most important factor when one tries to lose weight, but when done incorrectly, one could be faced with a multitude of unintended consequences.

Many people told me that I would lose muscle and honestly, I didn’t care.  I made a calculated decision. I chose to purge myself and start from scratch.  There are many arguments over which way is better to start – “cutting” or “bulking.”  Many “experts” will tell you that you can only do one at a time. “You can’t build muscle and shed fat at the same time,” they say.  And from what I read, I thought I’d see much faster results by shedding all the weight and then building later. So I guess I consciously just traded my “Dad Bod” in for being “Skinny Fat.”  Win?

I lost weight.  I lost inches. But, here’s the scary part – I was setting myself up for even worse!  You see, the body is NOT simple. It’s very complex. It’s really an ecosystem that has evolved to survive.  It knows how to adjust to its environment, and it will try to do so regardless of whether you want it to or not.  Your body is self healing and self regulating. It is smart. So, all that “dieting” I was doing was actually training my body to survive on less?  

This is what commonly happens:  Someone wants to lose “weight.” I say weight in air quotes, because I think what they really want is to lose FAT.  Anyway, they subscribe to this caloric theory (as they’re taught), and crash diet. They feel like crap while they’re doing it, but they lose weight so they ultimately feel great!  They dropped 10 pounds! Victorious, they now feel they can consume their weight in wings and beer… not to excess – just back to what they were eating before the diet. Then their weight rebounds WAY beyond where it was before.  This all too common problem, which I’ll explain in more detail and back up with science in a later post, is the body’s way of preserving itself. — It wants to survive.

Think of the signals you’re sending to your body during this process.  “THERE’S NO FOOD!” In times of famine, when food is scarce, your body is going to go into energy conservation mode.  It’s going to learn how to become more efficient with what it has to use; and, because you’re starving yourself, you’re telling your body to, “Hunker down!”  So it does. What might have started out as a TDEE of 2,000 calories, is now down to a functional (not optimal) TDEE of 1,500 calories. In other words, your body gets good at using less.  It changed its set point.

Then you stop “dieting.”  Your intake goes back up to 2,000 calories (or in most cases, way more because you feel deprived from all that caloric restriction), but your body is accustomed to running on only 1,500 calories.  So now it thinks, “We should store all this extra energy for when the next famine comes along – ‘cause, ya know, famine sucks!” And, so it does. It packs those unneeded calories in corners you never even knew existed.  You balloon out further than ever over the holidays, and then bikini season comes around…again, like it does. So, you start all over again. Up, down. Up, down. Yo, yo!

Luckily, I got so fascinated with health and the human body, that I learned about the pitfalls of what I was doing before I could inflict some real damage.  I learned that, although I was losing weight, I wasn’t getting any healthier. I thought (in the beginning) that I just wanted to lose weight; and that if I were to lose that weight, I’d be happy.  Boy was I wrong. I think, overall, I “looked” better – but I certainly didn’t “feel” better.

There’s much more to this challenge than just cutting calories.  And it’s easy to say, “Oh, I just wanna to lose 10 pounds – then I’ll be happy.”  Well, I’m here to tell you that may not be true. That’s like saying, “I’d feel so much better if I was driving that really nice car.”  Unfortunately, there will always be a nicer car. Having aspirations is great, but set realistic and meaningful goals that are obtainable and that will really satisfy that craving you truly yearn for.  Consider what it means to “lose fat.” You’ve communicated to your body that it can relax – that good food will come, so don’t be scared. That you’ll take care of your body. Your body then responds with trust and confidence and let’s go of that safety net.  

So, do you really just want to “lose weight?”  Will that truly make you “happy?” Or, is the real problem deeper, and perhaps you feel losing a couple of inches will make that difference?  What do you really want?  What internal struggles are you truly dealing with?  You just wanna look good? Cool. You want to be able to run a marathon with your wife?  Great! You want to be able to protect, defend and provide for your family if the shit hits the fan?  Awesome. What are you really trying to “fix.”  That is the real question – the real challenge.  Without confronting those demons, you can’t be healthy, and losing weight will be extremely difficult.  Be honest with yourself however, and health will be the only thing you need to be happy. You’ll find the fat melts away effortlessly, but who cares anymore – that’s not even the focus.  Your goals are much deeper than that.

What does it mean (to you) to Be Healthy?  Is it running a marathon? Is it being a vegetarian?  Is it bench pressing 300 pounds? Is it being medication free?  Is it being without pain? Is it being sexually desired? Or…is it simply being, happy?  Maybe we’re all trying to fill some empty void inside of us (which commonly gets filled with “comfort food?”).  Maybe being healthy is being physically, emotionally, hormonally and spiritually at your best? Whatever drives you to get there is personal, and every individual’s journey and experiences will be unique.  The path, however… The tenets to follow for you to achieve your optimal self, is no elusive secret.

One of the most important lessons I’ve learned on my journey is that “looking good” is one thing, but “feeling good” is something completely different.  In order to change the former, one must rebuild the latter. How you look, how people see you, how you subliminally communicate is simply a projection of how you feel.  Trust me. You’ll be much happier with the results.

Crave more health – not food.  

Click here to continue on Tobias’ journey:  Part 3: A Deeper Understanding

Part 2: Simple is as Simple Does

Featured Photo by Joshua Earle on Unsplash

If you’re just showing up and would like to start at the beginning, please go here!

One thing was for sure, approaching this whole “losing weight thing” by changing a lot all at once was almost surely going to fail.  I didn’t want an exercise routine. I didn’t want to lift weights. I sure as heck didn’t want to run – I hated running.  I was depressed to do much, but motivated to do something.  The goal was to keep it simple. Simple is as Simple does.

The only thing I knew about health or weight loss at the time was the dreaded, “Eat less.  Exercise more.” When the heck was I going to find time to exercise? I was taking care of the kids in the morning and by the time I got home from work, I didn’t feel like “working out.”  Plus, there were too many distractions – always seeing “projects” that needed to be done or having to explain every movement to a curious toddler. Gym memberships are bloody expensive, and being judged by a bunch of fit people wasn’t exactly going to build confidence.  Let’s face it, more movement was out. That only left eating less. Ugh.

Keeping in mind that I didn’t even really know what a calorie was, I subscribed to the mantra that losing weight meant that calories out had to be higher than calories in.  In other words, if I want to quit shopping for the next pant size up every few months, I’d have to burn more calories (whatever the heck they are) than I consumed. Perfect.  Seemed simple and straightforward.

… … … I still have no friggin’ idea where to start!

Seeing my flailing attempts at trying to keep this weight loss boat afloat, my wife bailed me out by introducing me to MyFitnessPal – which, by the way, quickly became my most favorite and most hated thing on the planet.  The app. Not my wife.

I could type in exactly what I ate and drank to see how I was doing.  I didn’t try to limit anything at first. I just wanted to see where I was.  I tracked everything, and I mean everything!  Ketchup, spices, tea – I even dug out a small kitchen scale to weigh everything.  

When I saw how many calories I was taking in from just liquids alone, holy crap!  Did that ever wake me up! I was consuming WAY too many calories! Between the Mt. Dew, BBQ chips, alcohol, pretzels, salsa and chips, and all the other crap I was eating/drinking…it was not uncommon for me to consume 6,000 to 8,000 calories in a day.  Just in case you think that was a typo, it wasn’t. Six to eight THOUSAND calories per day! Call me Violet! If I continued to eat like this for much longer, I’d need an army of Umpa Lumpas to roll me down to the juicing room!

Well, another lifeline tossed to me (by my lovely wife, again) was a link to an online Basal Metabolic Rate (BMR) calculator.  This estimates the minimum energy your body needs to stay alive, performing basic bodily functions (e.g. pumping blood, breathing, et cetera).  The next step was to estimate my Total Daily Energy Expenditure (TDEE). This number takes into account your BMR, but also the amount of energy you burn during the day through work and exercise.  Haha, “…burned through work and exercise.” That would be NONE! *cough* Sorry. “Sedentary.”

My number was just above 2,000 calories per day.  I’d say I had my work cut out for me. Well, if staying where I was meant 2,000 calories per day, why not drop my caloric goal to 1,500 calories per day?  I mean, why not, right? Go big or go home! Pun intended?

Well, as you can imagine, this was quite a challenge – at first.  Yes, there was some kicking and screaming and whining and negotiating and anger and resentment and overall crabiness.  Try taking any budget and slashing the top three quarters off! But the goal on the other end was worth it – health, longevity, my kids, my marriage…all perfect reasons to make a change and keep me motivated.  

The first thing to go was the Mt. Dew.  Simple – swap in Diet Mt. Dew. It tastes good and check that out!  NO calories! Everything was about calories! I got pretty obsessive about it.  Lunch was an apple. Only 95 calories, baby! Carrots were only 25 each, so there was a win, too!  Being home in the evenings was the hardest part. I was surrounded with snacks. I think I even went hunting for BBQ chip crumbs previously lost in the couch cushions at one point.  Not my proudest moment, by the way. But, they don’t have a serving size for “crumbs” in MyFitnessPal, so as far as I was concerned – those were free, damnit! It was really important to find things I could occupy thoughts with, just to get through the day.  One of the bestest creations on the planet, when trying to watch calories but still needing a sweet treat…sugar free Jell-O! Those sundae ice cream cups (at only 100 calories per cup) were a lifesaver, too. Oh, and low calorie popcorn! It may taste like you’re licking the wooden wheel of an Amish buggy, but it satisfies that urge to snack just right!

Most things I could give up without an issue, but whiskey – oh my whiskey!  That, was NOT an option. Yes, I had to reduce a little, but let’s face it – controlling the amount of liquor consumed every day had more benefits than just losing weight.   So, it went into the budget. I would basically “starve” myself all day, just so I would have enough room in the f’ing budget at the end of the day for my three fingers of Jameson.  It was worth it.

And so…I did it.  I kept my daily dose of them there calories at 1,500 per day.  It took me 6 months to drop 20 pounds. I proved the theory correct – “starving” yourself can work, but I wouldn’t do it that way again.  Even though it showed on the scale, it also showed in my relationships, as this is about the time I embodied the term, “hangry.” I would like to pause and take this opportunity, to thank everyone who put up with me during this time and who didn’t stab me as a result of my bitchy attitude.  And to my wife – who exposed me to the tools I needed to succeed, and who stood by me through all my incessant complaining, and who revamped the family meal plan to accommodate low calorie (awesome tasting) dinners.

Click here to continue on Tobias’ journey:  Part 2.5: Fat’s a Tissue, Not the Issue

Featured Photo by Luke Stackpoole on Unsplash

If you’re just showing up and would like to start at the beginning, please go here!

Overall, I was a pretty skinny kid.  I could eat whatever I wanted and not gain a pound.  That’s not to say I was “healthy,” though. Having milk and Oreo cookies for breakfast, followed by a constant IV drip of Mt. Dew all day long, then topping it off with BBQ chips and popcorn and ice cream and/or whatever else I could stuff my face with – was not healthy.  This pattern of eating continued.  I mean, why not? Those Double Stuff Oreos are incredible, and I challenge anyone to find better BBQ chips than Middleswarth.  Heck, I had a mini fridge in my office just for cubes of Mt. Dews. And that was just snacking – meals weren’t much better.

No one ever taught me about healthy eating, nor was there any reason to suspect how we were eating wasn’t “healthy.”  I was raised by a spectacular single mom who taught me the values of life and relationships and family.  Food was something we had to do so we wouldn’t go hungry. We had a typical, busy, stressful life, so food was meant to be quick and comforting.  Food and snacking were something we did while watching movies together, playing a spirited game of Rummy or Nertz, or just gathering for whatever occasion.  Heck, we had a word for it…”fressing.” Suppers were generally crafted from “a meat,” “a carb” and “a starch.” They were the keystones of the Pennsylvania Dutch diet – hearty, cheap, easy, and a way of life.  Of course, following the main meal were homemade desserts (pies, cakes, cookies and/or ice cream). Oh my god! The Angel Food Cake.

Out on my own, I’d go “grocery shopping” maybe…once every three months?  “But how,” you ask? Easy. I’d mound that cart up with anything that had a shelf life longer than plywood – Ramen, frozen meals like Viola, pasta and pasta sauce – I wanted easy (i.e. microwaveable) and cheap and I hated going to the store to get food.  There were more important things to do like work and kicking ass on the pool table at the local dive bar.

I guess I should mention, and it should not come to anyone’s surprise, that I had tummy problem.  For years (hell, ever since I can remember) I had problems having to race to the bathroom.  In school, I had to run out of my graduation, because I got sick.  In college, I had to cancel dates or cut them short, because I got sick.  I had “altercations” with flight attendants, because Fasten Seatbelts sign be damned, I was getting sick!  At one point, I was almost rushed to the hospital due to a tachycardia episode.  Why? Because, I was in Disney and Disney doesn’t sell Pepsi products, they carry Coke products.  Ya know what Coke doesn’t make?  Mt. Dew.  I was going through withdrawal symptoms from the lack of caffeine.  Luckily though, I was still able to get my daily dose of sugar from the sweet tea so that I could wait in line for Tower of Terror for over an hour and just as I could see the roller coaster, yup – I would get sick.

Somehow, I learned to live with it.  Somehow, I just dealt with the embarrassment and pain.

And so things went on, as they had for years…until that one day, when I was performing some deep couch sitting, fressing on some M&M’s and binging on House of Cards, that I had something I never thought I’d have – a belly.  I played with it for three episodes – folding it, squeezing it, flapping it, smacking it, sucking it in, sticking it out. Oh my god! Now, I was not “fat” – okay, well clinically I was, but not to most people’s standards – but there was definitely a “spare tire” thing happening down there.  And that wasn’t all. I was getting tired so easily. I couldn’t run around with my kids. I couldn’t be the active husband I wanted to be. Around the same time, we were getting screened for life insurance. Oh, that didn’t go well. My cholesterol was elevated, triglycerides were high, HDL low, LDL high, liver function was crap, kidney values concerning, my blood pressure was normal so there’s a win, but it was starting to have an effect on my self-esteem and my confidence and, yeah…I was a bit bummed out…depressed, really.  What was happening to me?

I’ll tell you what.  I had developed, “a dad bod.”  And, for those of you who don’t know,

“A dad bod is a guy who is not incredibly chiseled, but at the same time, is not unhealthy. He’s not overweight. He’s probably that guy who played football in high school and came to college and didn’t play football. Maybe he had a few too many slices of pizza, or a few too many Ramens, and just ended up with a little bit of squish on top of his muscle. It’s a healthy body. It’s a boy-next-door look. He’s the kind of person you go on a hike with, and then at the end of the day, you eat pasta and lay in bed and watch a movie.”

I mean, what the f&*%!  No offense, but I did not want to be lumped into the same physically descriptive category as Robert De Niro or Adam Sandler.  I mean, Leonardo DiCaprio and Chris Pratt aren’t terrible men to be compared to, but this isn’t what I wanted to be labeled as.  When I look in the mirror I see Daniel Craig, not Jason Segal. Oh! But I’m starting to see it now, and then…the scale tipped.  I never imagined I’d ever see THAT number!

That was the last straw.  It was time for a change! I had NO idea what I was doing, but damnit, I was going to give my wife and family (heck, I was going to be) Matt Damon in Jason Bourne, not Matt Damon in The Informant.

And so…I just started.  Out of shame, embarrassment, necessity and self-preservation, I just started doing something about it.  Anything I could do was going to be an effort to dig myself out of the depression and sickness.  I had no idea what I was doing or how to do it, but I knew continuing on this same path would surely end in disaster.  I couldn’t afford to cruise any longer, and the only person that was going to be able to help me was me.

It was time I changed.  

It was time I became accountable.  

It was time I became an adult, but even more so,

It was time I became a role model for my family and my kids.  

My life would never be the same – and all for the better.

Click here to continue on Tobias’ journey:  Part 2: Simple is as Simple Does

Featured Photo by Zoltan Tasi on Unsplash

Growing up, we ate pretty healthy. I never got to eat the snacks and sodas that a lot of my friends had at home.  I always tried to make up for it at sleepovers though!  At home we ate a lot of vegetables and lean protein and avoided salt and sugar. I never was athletic since my parents weren’t, and I’d had asthma and allergies since I was young.  While I was never overweight as a kid, my weight would fluctuate a lot.  I balanced it by simply eating less when the scale went too high, and eating “whatever I wanted” when it was lower.

When I was in my 20s, I ate mostly “healthy” frozen dinners. I tended to opt for processed foods due to cost and convenience.  My weight continued to yo-yo, though at times my calorie cutting borderlined on extreme.  I still had asthma and allergies and I was sick with colds and flus a lot, blaming it on the long hours I worked.

When Toby and I moved in together, I learned to cook so I could start making meals for the both of us.  We didn’t make a lot of money, so I made weekly meal plans and cut costs where I could.  He had grown up eating a lot of processed foods, so it was always in the house, it didn’t take long till it became part of my diet as well.  The fluctuation range of my weight grew, and I cut calories drastically to try and stay on top of it.  By the time we were married I was frustrated with my inability to maintain what I thought was an ideal figure.  It was not unusual for me to go days without eating, to drop a few pounds, only to rebound the rest of the week “because I had earned it.”

Both of my pregnancies went about the same.  I gained over 70lbs in 8 months, developed pre-eclampsia, and had emergency C-sections at 35 weeks.  Both of our girls were born early, and under 4lbs.  Both times, I rushed to lose the pregnancy weight as fast as I could, the only way I knew how (with tons of cardio, and very little food.)

Usually in the gym I tended to opt for cardio. I’d always liked running, and signing up for races kept me motivated.  I did a full marathon, and about a dozen half marathons over the course of 6 years.  I had always been scared about lifting weights, and working on a military installation, the weight room was always filled with what seemed like huge intimidating men.  A friend of mine and I teamed up to start working out together, starting out with bodyweight exercises and eventually earning enough courage to move into the weight room.  Together we learned the basics, and supported each other through the learning process.  Those “intimidating” guys actually turned out to be pretty cool, and taught us a lot.  I was amazed at the confidence that comes with growing physical strength and became hooked.  My body transformed with the weightlifting and the running.  I felt healthy and strong, and I like I had a purpose.  It took a few years for my nutrition to catch up.  Mainly because I was cooking for a full family now, and getting everyone on board was difficult.

The past few years have been a whirlwind of change.  Once my husband decided he needed to start eating better also, we began a transformation journey together.